I’ve been a GSV for just about two months now, and it seems that the honeymoon phase is officially over. I am still thrilled that I made the choice to be a GSV and I continue to love the program and living in the city, but my once rose-tinted glasses seem to have faded into a more realistic view of my life this year.
Mostly it’s exhausting. I work a 40 hour week (officially), but I often put in extra time. Each hour is incredibly demanding emotionally and psychologically. The stories of my girls’ pasts are each horrific, and that leads to many problems on the floor, including drug abuse, prostitution, and a lack of direction/goals for the future. Many of the girls have very low self-esteem and struggle to get along with each other, depending on the day. Today alone I was dealing with girls in a tiff over $20 missing (one girl suspects the other of theft), and now each side is rallying a group of supporters and the tension is building to the point that I feel a classic Jets vs. Sharks rumble is coming. One girl is working the local projects with the hopes of getting pregnant. One had a criminal case today because she beat up her previous care taker in an extreme way (and she is now threatening to jump me). One girl is staying on our floor from downstairs on respite because she was jumped there last night. Two of our girls are in respite downstairs and are being threatened as well. Several are recently returned from rehab, and several others are self-medicating on a daily basis. Other girls are simply refusing to get up and go to school, which leaves us as an agency susceptible to penalties for educational neglect of the girls. This was just what happened today.
Working in this environment offers me incredible professional experience, and I really feel like I’m putting my degree to work. I feel challenged every day, and I have supportive staff and supervisors. I also have lots of positive interactions with the girls, and I feel like I am helping them in a small way. That being said, there is no way to make it through days like today without feeling completely drained and overwhelmed.
These feelings are further enhanced by our GSV community and spirituality nights. I enjoy these nights very much, and I feel that my community has grown to be very strong. Nevertheless, after an 8 hour shift sometimes there’s nothing I want to do more than lie in bed and watch TV by myself. Learning to balance my desires with my GSV commitments and community has been a challenge for me these past two weeks. It’s forcing me to reevaluate my self-care habits, and led me to take my first yoga class in 5 years. It went well, and I’m making it a goal to attend 2-3 times per week. I also need to stop buying Starbucks frequently under the guise of self-care.
I’m looking forward to the upcoming holiday season and all of the excitement it will bring, but I am also apprehensive because I know it is a time of frequent crises at work. I’m hopeful, though, that my soon-to-be reduced caffeine intake and attendance at yoga classes will help me to stay balanced and focused as my GSV year continues.
And now, some pictures:
Central Park
Mostly it’s exhausting. I work a 40 hour week (officially), but I often put in extra time. Each hour is incredibly demanding emotionally and psychologically. The stories of my girls’ pasts are each horrific, and that leads to many problems on the floor, including drug abuse, prostitution, and a lack of direction/goals for the future. Many of the girls have very low self-esteem and struggle to get along with each other, depending on the day. Today alone I was dealing with girls in a tiff over $20 missing (one girl suspects the other of theft), and now each side is rallying a group of supporters and the tension is building to the point that I feel a classic Jets vs. Sharks rumble is coming. One girl is working the local projects with the hopes of getting pregnant. One had a criminal case today because she beat up her previous care taker in an extreme way (and she is now threatening to jump me). One girl is staying on our floor from downstairs on respite because she was jumped there last night. Two of our girls are in respite downstairs and are being threatened as well. Several are recently returned from rehab, and several others are self-medicating on a daily basis. Other girls are simply refusing to get up and go to school, which leaves us as an agency susceptible to penalties for educational neglect of the girls. This was just what happened today.
Working in this environment offers me incredible professional experience, and I really feel like I’m putting my degree to work. I feel challenged every day, and I have supportive staff and supervisors. I also have lots of positive interactions with the girls, and I feel like I am helping them in a small way. That being said, there is no way to make it through days like today without feeling completely drained and overwhelmed.
These feelings are further enhanced by our GSV community and spirituality nights. I enjoy these nights very much, and I feel that my community has grown to be very strong. Nevertheless, after an 8 hour shift sometimes there’s nothing I want to do more than lie in bed and watch TV by myself. Learning to balance my desires with my GSV commitments and community has been a challenge for me these past two weeks. It’s forcing me to reevaluate my self-care habits, and led me to take my first yoga class in 5 years. It went well, and I’m making it a goal to attend 2-3 times per week. I also need to stop buying Starbucks frequently under the guise of self-care.
I’m looking forward to the upcoming holiday season and all of the excitement it will bring, but I am also apprehensive because I know it is a time of frequent crises at work. I’m hopeful, though, that my soon-to-be reduced caffeine intake and attendance at yoga classes will help me to stay balanced and focused as my GSV year continues.
And now, some pictures:
Central Park
Halloween Party
Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear
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