On a mission

McGill is offering a funding for a fellowship that looks awesome. It's up to $30,000 to do any project anywhere in the world. The stipulations are that it needs to address a need expressed by the community, be realistic, and be sustainable. Pretty easy, right?

That's why I decided to go for it. Usually I don't even read those types of emails, figuring they aren't available to me or that me/my ideas would be good enough anyway so why bother? But getting into McGill and doing pretty well here has boosted my ego, so I got all excited about it, drafted a basic plan, and started mentioning it to my contacts to see what came back. The response was positive, so I felt good. I've been really excited about it and thinking about it a lot, and I enjoy thinking about it and planning it.

I went to an info session about the grant today to check out the competition, and I am so disappointed. One of the criteria I had somehow overlooked is that you need to be a Canadian citizen or permanent resident. HOW DID I MISS THAT?!??!$ At first I was crushed. Now, though, I don't care. I have a good idea, the experience and credentials needed to back it up, and I'm going to try and do it anyway. I'm going to continue reaching out to my contacts, try to make new ones, and look for alternate sources of funding. I'm on a mission!

daycare

A few weeks ago I was really excited. I got the internship I had wanted since I first heard about it back in New York. I went in, optimistic and ready to learn, only to be stopped in my tracks. Now, only a few weeks later, I greedily log my hours, knowing that every hour I write down is one less I need to complete. One less day I need to go back.

I've made a few friends and my supervisor is nice. The one above her, not so much, but there’s nothing I can do about that. Also, my job is interesting on paper. Why is it, then, that I feel like I go to adult daycare every day?          

                        Don’t be late! Even five minutes will earn you a reprimand.

Don’t talk! Even though our office is set up in desk clusters according to project so you can talk to your coworkers.

Don’t take breaks! I’m allowing myself some leeway here, but the consensus among the other interns is that internet breaks are trouble. No facebook, no gmail, not even for five minutes an hour.

So what do you do to give your brain a break, I asked them. Apparently they water the plants, do their dishes, make coffee.. yanno, more work. To take a break from work.

Is there something I’m missing here? I know I come here to work and that it is a job. But really, I feel like I come here and keep my head down for nine hours a day to do nothing. My assignments are not important, and they are few and far between. Right now I’m almost done with something not due for another week and a half, so I do a bit every day but spend time doing homework whenever possible. I’m not growing here. I’m not learning much except that working in an office sucks and maybe I was wrong when I thought this is what I wanted to do with my life. Who could stand to do this every day until they’re 65?!

I just need to pull through for another 3.5 months and get on with my life.