my thoughts since returning home

When I came back from Moshi I was so emotional I cried on the plane. I was happy to be coming home and so sad that it was ending. I was completely determined to return, and hoped I could within the year. While I would still love to go back, I am now thinking of it more realistically and with some distance. If I can go back to Africa I would like to go for several months, maybe two or three, and visit multiple places including Moshi. I would like to see the west coast and South Africa while I’m there.
When I went to Moshi I was expecting a level of culture shock. I can honestly say I didn’t really experience that shock until I came home. The poverty I saw did not surprise me, and I think that’s because I have seen it on TV and was expecting it. I had hoped, though, that it would have jarred me just a little. I hope I’m not too jaded. What I found most difficult to deal with was my return home. To go from living in such poverty to such luxuries like a toilet and a stocked refrigerator in one day was difficult for me to process. Each time I bought something I calculated its value in Tsh and thought of how much food it could provide to Margereza. It made me feel very guilty all the time. This lasted about a week, until I readjusted to my normal life.
I would never go to another CCS program, but I don think that they are an excellent resource for very specific types of volunteers. It is a great way to see and volunteer in a third world country where one might not be comfortable just venturing off to on their own. You are exposed to lots of cultural events and the language, however I did feel sometimes that those were the priority and that volunteering was an afterthought. This, I suppose, depends on the staff at your home base and the other volunteers. I think CCS is good for young, unexperienced travlers who need some hand holding from the visa process to the retun flight home. It’s also good for those looking to volunteer with a level of comofort when they return home. I often felt guilty returning to such nice accomodations, but it was also a welcome refief on some long and more challenging days.
Traveling to Moshi was a once in a lifetime experience, and I will never forget it. I am still in contact with some of the volunteers, and I hope to do more international volunteering in the near future.

day 21

Yesterday I had a great day at placement. I love seeing the kids every day and knowing that I’m helping to teach them new things. I also love knowing that thanks to Liz’s curriculum they are making progress with their learning and building up new information every day. It’s incredibly rewarding.

After placement we stopped by TAFCOM to pick up the orders we placed for the women to sew us. Almost everything came back wrong – they used the wrong fabrics for things, made things the wrong size and not like we asked for… Apparently this has never happened before so I’m wondering if it’s related to me and Mike leaving. I hope not, because most of the stuff that was ruined isn’t for us.

At home base we did our own long written reviews of our time here with CCS (I can’t believe it’s almost over!) Afterwards Liz pulled everyone aside separately and told us about what had happened to a fellow volunteer who left CCS suddenly last week.

This girl had been here with CCS and was near the end of her 12 week commitment and worked at Magereza. One day after lunch she left crying, mumbling about a family emergency, and never came back. It turns out that Liz had caught her stealing cash from her purse while volunteering at Magereza, and when confronted she blamed it on the kids. It’s enough to make you sick. Liz took her back to home base early that day and had meetings with everyone at CCS from Mama Fatuma to the administration in NYC. The volunteer was kicked out, and Liz demanded that they inform her parents about what happened.  I should add that this volunteer just finished high school and met a boyfriend while in Moshi. He is known to take advantage of volunteers sexually and for money. She gave CCS a fake number for her parents, and left to go stay with the boyfriend. When Liz found this out she was furious, but CCS in NYC refused to help her because she is over 18 and they claim no responsibility for her. Liz hired a private investigator to find the parents herself, and called immigration to have the girl deported back to the US (we are all here on volunteer visas, and as she is no longer volunteering she is not allowed to stay in the country). There’s a new rumor going around now that CCS only kicked her out until Liz leaves, and then she’ll be allowed to reenter the program. The whole thing, from the girl stealing to blaming the kids, to the lack of response from CCS to Liz hiring an investigator is so disheartening. I thought that since everyone was here to volunteer nothing like this would happen. I guess that’s what you get when you let your 18 year old daughter leave home for the first time and she goes to Africa generally unsupervised for 12 weeks!

In the afternoon we had a traditional dance presentation. It was a group of drummers and two male and two female dancers. I loved the music and the male dancing was impressive. The girls didn’t do much besides swaying their hips to the rhythm. The guys were doing all kinds of crazy jumps and near acrobatic moves. At the end they pulled us up to dance with them, and it was really fun.

Afterwords we drank a few bottles of wine together in the CCS courtyard (a violation of a major policy, but I don’t think any of the staff are going to challenge Liz on anything until she leaves). After dinner Edward picked up me, Mike and the sisters. He left us at a bar and we had a great time. Back at CCS we took a ton on rapid-take pictures to commemorate Mike’s last night.

day 20

Today at Magereza I taught the letters B & C (how to write them, words that start with them..) and the concept of more and less. The letters went OK but they really struggled with more and less. I was having trouble moving them from the concept of big/small to more/less, but I really love going there every day. The daily routine is something like this: the kids walk to school on their own either from within the prison or from nearby homes. They play together on a slide or swings until we arrive, and then we play with them. They line up in two groups based on age and ability in front of the school doors, where they sing a song and their hair and nails are inspected by the teacher for cleanliness. (I find this ironic because each kid only has one outfit that they wear every day, and they are always filthy. Their nails, though, are generally clean.) There are two lessons a day, English and math. The lessons are dictated by the volunteers, and I have heard that before Liz came and established a curriculum there was no structure at all. They have most likely repeated a few basic lessons over and over with each group of new volunteers. There is a break between lessons where they are served lunch. Lunch is a watery porridge with very little nutritional value. It is served out of a large bucket, like one used to hold paint. The students line up for their turn, and the teacher scoops it out for each child. They push and fight for the best sports in line, because only the first kids finish in enough time to get seconds. (Here is a link to the video Liz’s organization, Lee Oneness, made about the food crisis and features Margereza: http://www.leeonenessfoundation.com/.) After the second lesson the classes end and the kids play until the volunteers leave. When we leave, they go home.

On the walk home I got stung by a big bee and it swelled up a lot. It’s weird, because I’m not allergic to bee stings at home. Back at home base we had a delicious lunch of leek soup and crusty bread. I can’t wait to stop having diarrhea! Also, I figured out today that I can call Dave from the CCS phone, but he can’t call me. This is slightly inconvenient as each phone card only lasts 5 minutes, so I have to buy a bunch and keep entering the information every time the minutes run out.
The batik man (Sam) came to the home base in the afternoon and he taught us how to make paintings. We each made a small one, and it took about two hours. Some of us tried to draw our own pictures, which he thought was very funny. Mine was coming out really nicely, but then at the end I rushed and made the black parts bleed. It’s still cool, though.

day 19 - Arusha

Today was balls.
Mike, Leah and I went to TAFCOM for children’s day, and when we got to the office the door was locked. We called Jonas and left a note, and when we couldn’t get through to anyone we tried to get a taxi to take us to another volunteer placement. We saw Jonas outside, and he told us there was a miscommunication with CCS and he thought we weren’t coming today. He said we were welcome to come upstairs, but then practically ran up the stairs to get away from us. It was obvious that he was mad at us and didn’t want us to follow, so we called John to get a ride to Tulanie to volunteer instead. While we were waiting for John Mike ran into Nie. They were talking for a few minutes on the other side of the street, and then John pulled up. She spoke to him angrily in Swahili, then went up to the office in a huff without even looking at Leah or I. I was both angry and disappointed in the way those interactions went.
When we got to Tulanie there were no kids there. We were lead to their school, where we were told they spend their mornings. Leah and I went to a classroom with 4-7 year olds, and Mike went to the room with the older kids. The rooms were very small with two window holes and a door frame, a chalkboard, and two wooden benches. There were two teachers, who were older girls who also live at the orphanage. They were teaching the children letters and numbers by saying them and having the children repeat them. I taught a little, and the kids really liked tracing letter cards I brought with their fingers. We took a break so the kids could play, and I taught them duck duck goose. We went back inside to practice recognizing numbers on flash cards. When we were about to leave I saw Rose, and I talked to her about the letter. I told her it was very sweet and I was flattered that she wrote it for me, but also that I could not pay for her to attend school. I had a great time teaching the kids, but at the same time was filled with this overwhelming sadness because of the conditions they live in and deal with on a daily basis.

Back at home base we had lunch before heading out to Arusha for the afternoon. It is usually a full day trip, but we only went for half a day because the Rwanda tribunal was closed for the holiday season.
We first went to a Massai market, but there were no Massai. It was a long string of alley-like passages made from vendors and their tents of goods. They were mostly selling wood carvings, jewelry, and paintings. I bought lots of things, both for presents and for myself. The vendors were very pushy. One man was pressuring me to buy something and when I began bargaining his friend pulled a curtain down over the entrance to his tent. He kept pressuring me to bargain, and when I said I was no longer interested he moved closer to me and grabbed my arm. He was very intimidating, but I pushed his arm off me and yelled ‘don’t touch me’ in the most confidant voice I could muster. He let go, and I bolted out of there and back to the CCS van. I was so angry I was shaking. I heard that he did that to a few other girls too.

After the market we went to a commercial strip so that we could buy Tanzanite. From before we even got out of the van me were following us and trying to lead us to different stores. They were very aggressive and annoying. After looking in a few stores I bought two pieces – one loose stone and one set in a gold pendant. Both are AA of AAA quality, and the total came to $475 USD. Buying took forever because my credit card wouldn’t go through. The store owner stayed open late for us so they could bring a machine from his other store. While we waited he let us go into his private office where he showed us some of his most valuable gems. He even lets us hold a piece of Tanzanite worth 4 million USD! Everyone was mad at us by the time we got back to the van because we held them up waiting for the machine.

We got back here at 7:30, scarfed down dinner, and everyone is already in bed now. It’s only 8:30, but we’re totally exhausted.

day 18

Today I started volunteering at Magereza, a school set within a prison. There were about 20 students and I led the advanced students in numbers (addition) and English (my name is..). Tomorrow will be my last day at TAFCOM and I will be at Magereza for the rest of the week. Magereza usually expects about 90 kids per day.

Folgence talked to Nie while we were gone, and he said that she was frustrated and wondering what she did wrong that was causing us to not continue volunteering with TAFCOM. Mike offered to speak to her directly tomorrow to make sure our views are heard.
I got a letter today from Rose, a girl I met at Tulanie orphanage. It was a very sweet note until the end, where she asked me to give her money for school. I feel like such a fool for believing that she really was just interested in being friends with me. I don’t want to rush to blame her, though, because I know kids here are often taught how to befriend mzungus and then beg for money for the orphanage. I will write back to her and explain the CCS policy and why I cannot give her anything, but that I still plan to return for another visit this week.

I was able to email Dave a few times today, and I finally figured out how to have people call me here. I hope I’m able to hear from him soon!
Later in the day…
This afternoon I did laundry and went to a Swahili lesson. Later I went into town with the sisters and was finally able to talk to Dave online. I also found a phone card after trying four different stores, but I later realized I only paid enough for 5 minutes of talk time. I’m planning to stay in tonight and relax.

week 2, day 2

I thought today was really great, but I think I’m the only one. First we went to a man’s studio where he makes Batik paintings. He explained his technique and then we shopped for a bit. He took a lot of custom orders for us that he will bring to CCS next week.
After seeing him we went to a traditional Chagga blacksmith, which wasn’t that exciting. It was a lot like something you would see in a living museum in New England. We felt kind of weird because when they saw our car pull up men starting bringing out tons and tons of boxes of carvings and things, but no one was interested in buying. They were also selling Chagga spears. We walked to a Chagga tunnel, where people would live for as many as 10 years for protection during the tribal wars against the Maasai. Next we went to a Chagga market, where we weren’t allowed to take pictures. They were mostly selling produce, and I negotiated for two Katinge. Then we drove to the waterfall and had some nasty boxed lunches. I was really disappointed because I was starving.

After eating we climbed down this REDICULOUS path to the waterfall. It was insanely steep, and the ‘railings’ came out into your hands when you tried to grab them. It was really dangerous and some people got really freaked out. At the bottom we crossed a stream on rocks to the bottom of the falls and took some pictures. I sad on a rock and put my foot in an ant hole, and the cuff of my pants was black from being covered by so many ants. I thought it was a little interesting, but the guide flipped out and ran over and started hitting them off. I thought he was over reacting, until I felt them bit my ankles. And then my thighs. And then my butt. I probably got bit about 30 times, and the bits stung. I was slapping at my pants for hours after. We thought about going swimming but decided against it because we heard stories about some nasty parasites. Then it started pouring, just in time for us to climb back up. There was so much rain it was difficult to see and we were slipping around a lot. The railing slipped right through my fingers a few times. At the top people were pretty upset, but I thought it was really exciting. I’m very surprised no one got hurt.

We went to a Chagga hut for a short lesson, and then through a museum. The hut was very smoky and I couldn’t really breathe or see, but it was interesting. They’re bigger and nicer than Maasai huts, and the cows live inside with the people. Then we went to a hotel next door to order some food, and the sisters and I sat outside in the sun to dry. I ordered a cheese and tomato sandwich which was great because I was able to eat it. I still have diarrhea.

At 8 we went to a nearby volunteer hostel run by a man who used to work for CCS. It’s much more modest and only $15 a night, but it looks to be well run. I am so disappointed I came through CCS. Afterword Mike, Leah and I went to meet Saad at a bar and catch up. At some point today my camera broke. I’m going to have to rely on the others for pictures from now on, and hope that someone in Zanzibar can help me fix it =[

week 2, day 1

Yesterday was really fun. At placement we went on home visits, and visited four different homes. Back at the office I updated client profiles. I couldn’t really eat lunch even though I was starving because looking at and smelling the food made me nauseous. I haven’t had one normal bowl movement since arriving at CCS.
After lunch I had my individual feedback session with Folgence and Mama Teo and I expressed my concerns about the program and especially the allocations of the program fee. In the afternoon we split up into two groups. One group went to a lecture on Women’s Empowerment at WEES and the other went to the Tulanie Orphanage to play with the kids. I went to the orphanage and had a really great time. We got in a circle and sang some children’s songs in both Swahili and English. The kids really loved us and I was happy to finally feel connected to clients and useful. Two girls especially liked me, a 10 year old and a 14 year old, Rose. They both made me cards. Rose’s card said we were sisters and that she loved me and would I please come back before I go home. I hope we can go back to volunteer there another afternoon.
I had trouble eating dinner again, and afterwards Mama Teo talked to us as a group about how CCS spends our money, because I guess it came up a lot in feedback. I’m glad she addressed it, but I’m still not totally satisfied by her answers. At 8 Mike, the sisters, Edward and I went out to Glacier, a garden bar for some beers. We realized Mike’s camera can take like 15 shots in quick secession, so we had fun with that for a while. I tired buying chicken fingers at the bar but I still couldn’t eat. I wouldn’t exactly call what I got chicken fingers, though. After Glacier we went to Kool Bar, and Courtney said it looked like it belongs on the Jersey shore. We danced to some Reagae music and it was a lot of fun.
Now we are driving to our first stop on a day trip to a Chagga village and then a waterfall where we can go swimming. We were told to pack torches and swimming costumes.

day 3

It’s so hot here, but It’s surprising how much of a difference it makes to be in the shade. This morning we started our placements. Apparently at TAFCOM the first day is orientation and you’re just supposed to talk about your feelings and stuff, but we wanted to do something right away. The TAFCOM children’s center is closed for the holidays, so we decided to have a day where we could open it and provide entertainment and food for the kids. We went out into the town to try to buy a world map so we could do some geography activities. This wasn’t the brightest idea we’d ever had, because we just wandered into a city we knew nothing about looking for something that’s pretty rare here. Luckily we ran into Edward from Pristine who took us around and helped us to buy one.

In the afternoon we visited a local hospital to hear a lecture about AIDS in Tanzania. It was a large complex with wards for lots of different illnesses. There were lines of old metal beds, no privacy, bars on the windows, and no decorations, but I was glad we didn’t see anything worse than that. There were a good number of patients there, but there were some empty beds too. We were told that when it gets really busy they can have as many as three people in one twin sized bed. This includes the maternity ward, where women are waiting to give birth. The most disturbing part of the hospital was the psych ward. The men were all in one huge room sitting on urine soaked mattresses on the floor with bars on the windows. The group that was considered especially dangerous also had bars on the door, and I don’t know if they had mattresses or not. It was exactly like a jail. We were told this is because when you put objects in the room (such as a bed frame) the patients break them and use the pieces to hurt each other and themselves. The most common diagnosis was schizophrenia.
After the hospital we stopped at a traditional craft market. The stores were in little huts that were separated from the main road by a little bridge. The market mostly sold paintings and wood carvings. After exchanging (the very long) greetings with a shop keeper, she asked me if I spoke Swahili. I was super proud of myself.

day 2

Today we got up a 6:30 and had breakfast. Then we were split into teams of two and given ‘drop-off missions’. Lauren and I were a team. She and I plus another group were sent to a house down the road and told to ask for Kanga and ask about the literature. It was werd to just walk into a strangers yard and ask for stuff but we were welcomed and showed tons of Kangas. We stayed there for nearly an hour, making broken conversation from a Swahili phrase book. When we left she asked us to return.
We came back, exchanged our experiences, and had a cultural lesson from the CCS staff. We had a break, lunch, and Swahili lesson. We learned that because of the holidays we will only be in placement 9 days, so we asked to have volunteer opportunities in the afternoons as well.