bienvenue

Last week I went down to the city to bid adieu to my gsv year.
I first stopped at 17th street to visit the girls. I knew I shouldn't have any expectations as to who would be there and how they would or would not respond to my (surprise) visit, but I could not have anticipated what I saw when I got there: no one. The girls are taken on trips once or twice a year, and of course, the day I went to see them was one of those days. They were on a long weekend trip to the Pochonos for some end of summer fun. I visited with the only girl who stayed behind (because she cursed out the director a few days previous) and she was happy to see me. She's one of the ones I couldn't wait to escape from, but seeing her again was quite nice. She was climbing a wall, litterally, when I got there, so the visit kept me from having rose-colored memories of my year, but I was glad that I could distract her for some time and give a bit of relief to my former coworkers who were on shift. I was actually surprised by my level of disappointment when I didn't get to see some of the girls I had been closest to. I left them a note and the cookies I made them; I hope they saw them and at least know I tried to see them.

I visited a few spots around my old places (Trader Joe's Wine Shop for a few bottles of two-buck Chuck, Blossom for the best $23 mani/pedi in the world) and then made the trek to Staten Island to visit this year's GSV's at their orientation. I was immediately welcomed into the group even though I felt like somewhat of an outsider the whole time. I participated in a few minor things offering the alumni perspective and advice, but my main reason for wanting to go was to say a "final" goodbye to my roommates going abroad - Jess, Krystina and Lar. We and the other GSV alum had a great evening holed up in a bedroom with cookies, wine, memories, and friendship. It was just as I had hoped it would be, with some reminiscence, some discussion of our present and future, but mostly the comfortable feeling you only have around friends you know you can be yourself around.

In the morning I watched as an outsider as the new Astoria volunteers began to get acquainted, and was really not feelin it. Us alum were strongly encouraged by Jon and Pete to come and stay, but I couldn't shake my own feelings of not belonging. I was feeling like that person who doesn't get it that their time has passed and they need to move on. And that's a good thing I think. I needed to feel that to get closure, because the truth is I don't belong there anymore. It was a hard pill to swallow because my best friends from GSV are staying on for additional time and I know that I will not be a part of their new experiences. It's ok, though, because now I'm in Montreal having a new experience of my own.

Speaking of which, I'm in Montreal now! I moved up yesterday and am as settled as I'll get for a few more days. The drive took about 6 hours instead of the usual 4, thanks to a combination of driving slowly because of my mattress on my dads car and the long wait at the boarder. I had to go inside to present my visa and passport and was told by everyone I'd breeze right through. Well, that was sort of true, minus the line of other international students, my anxiety, needing to pee after drinking coffee while driving, and my own stupidity. I had thought ahead "hey, maybe I should gather my important documents for the boarder just in case". then "no, that's silly, i already gave them my documents I won't need anything". idiot. they did need all my documents, which were scattered throughout boxes and bags between two cars in two different parking lots around the Canadian boarder. so I had to do a bit of running around compiled with an extreme amount of nerves and a good amount of embarrassment, because every time I gave the lady one document she told me to turn around and go look for another. and another. and she heckled me every time, too. seriously. ask Dave.

ANYWAY, i made it through the boarder and into what is now my Montreal apartment. My roommates were fabulous and helped carry everything in, they had gotten clean sheets out for me in case I needed them, and they stayed in for most of the evening to share beer with Dave and I as we got to know each other a bit. They're both quite interesting and have ridiculous international lives and circles of friends. They're also very smart and kind, and I'm really looking forward to knowing them more.

It is now a rainy day so we're all inside doing our own things with some Miles Davis in the background. I have a long list of important (read stressful) things to take care of tomorrow, but for now I don't care. I'm excited about this next part of my life, these great people I'll share it with and the beautiful city I now call home.