Miami and McGill

Last weekend I went to Miami for a few days with Kim and Eva. We stayed with my friend Kousha in a ballin apartment and had a really good time. Here are the highlightes:
     -day 1: being in the sun!!! and warm. in shorts. in March.
                 going out to a bar and then "skinny dipping" (us ladies kept our unders
                 on) in the ocean after
     -day 2: beach!!!!!
     -day 3: Everglades and Biscayne Bay Park
     -day 4: in the airport waiting to go home to NY i got an acceptance email from
                 Hunter College. When we landed in NY I got an acceptance email
                 from McGill. What a perfect way to end a vacation =]

and some pics:

koushas balcony overlooking the ocean... and pool... and Miami skyline...

 perfect turquoise/clear ocean

 Kim, me and Eva

 art deco

art sculpture thing

 crane

 gator on land!

gaots galore

more about McGill: I was accepted into their accelerated msw program and will begin classes september 1st (I think). I'm in the running for several fellowships, scholarships, and TA ships, so hopefully I'll have enough money to eat and all that fun stuff. I'm not sure where I'll live.. I can stay in on-campus grad apartments, but it might be cheaper to get my own. im not sure that i want to do that, though, because I'll only be there for one year and I dont know if i want to get involved with a new landlord since i dont know montreal rental law or anything. well see. I'm going up to mcgill on the 20th to attend a field placement orientation and hopefully to meet with my advisor and set up a class schedule. I want to get as much information about the campus as I can then to learn about my different living and working options. funfun!

awesome week

I the last week I went to Miami, caught up with old (and some not so old) friends, got 2 mani-pedis, and got accepted to both Hunter and McGill!!! Really exciting. Details and photos coming soon.

february-march

I’ve felt like I should update for a while now, but every time I’ve thought about it I couldn’t come up with anything to talk about. Strange, no? Because my life is too full to find time to do things like make phone calls, I figure something interesting MUST be going on.
Since I last wrote I visited a resident at an adolescent psychiatric hospital, picked up a second resident from another hospital/respite center, played a silly game of truth or dare with my community, struggled with simplicity, and enjoyed a very ‘touching’ spirituality night. I also celebrated my birthday, Jess’ birthday, interviewed for Hunter College, and went to my first theater event (of the year). I even got sick for the first time this year.
The psych hospital was surprisingly nice – it’s on a property overlooking the Hudson that used to be a vacation spot, so it’s got some old charm to it. Except that when you get inside everything is sterile but dingy at the same time, every piece of furniture is secured to the ground, and you (and all of your belongings) need a pat down to get past the front door. We visited a resident who was pretty difficult while in our care, but was so silly you just had to love her. It was really sad to see her there – she was so over-medicated that she was having trouble stringing words together. Even in that condition she is still managing to pick enough fights to need physical restraint weekly or more. As a result she’ll soon be sent to a state psych hospital to become a ward of the state indefinitely. It’s a really sad story. The other resident I picked up will hopefully have a better outcome.
For one of my favorite community nights in a long time we played truth or dare.. it was both enlightening and hilarious. I wish I could say more, but the oath of secrecy is binding. A recent spirituality night I enjoyed involved giving a partner a long massage.. while they lied on their back. It was a cool twist on a massage and required quite a bit of trust. As the weather gets nicer I’m finding that I struggle more and more with simplicity.. I have a trip to Miami around the corner I want to look cute for, the weather is warming up which makes snacking outside oh-so-tempting and walking store-to-store for shopping a pleasant experience, and I’m kinda just getting tired of feeling poor all the time. My strategy for now is finding joy in simple purchases, like $5 flowers on the street. It helps bring the spring inside and lets me feel like I’m indulging in life just a little.
I had a really nice birthday weekend and had some of my favorite people come to visit: Dave, Twig, Kim and Erin. We went out on Friday and spent the rest of the weekend recovering, but we had some good food and a good time just catching up and hanging out. Jess’ birthday involved lots of dancing… first at a club with her ‘other’ friends and then at the Brooklyn Museum’s Native American themed party on Saturday. We went with her mom.

up

I’m a little hesitant to say this, but it just might be true: the worst has passed.
I’ve been doing a lot of work to reframe the way I think about my job and the girls. It’s been really helpful, and (I think) I’ve been taking work home with me less and less. This is nothing short of awesome, because when you’re not stuck in mope-ville worrying about what she’s doing right now, or how could a father do something like that to his daughter 24/7 there’s a surprising amount of room in your life to have fun. That’s not to say that I don’t still worry about some of the residents and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care about them, but I think I’m learning a healthy perspective on how to do this work and like my own life, too.
So what have I been doing with my new and improved fun-loving self, you ask? Last weekend all of us GSV’ers went on our Social Justice/Simplicity retreat in Wikitunk, followed by a super bowl party with some nuns. Beer, gambling, Black Eyed Peas.. not bad. This week our community night involved staying in and paying Cranium (my team won!), and last night some of us went out for Thai and rented some movies. Today I went skiing with Lar and had a wonderfully silly time. I even restarted my cooking/baking group on Fridays at work. With my birthday, Miami and then spring on the way, I think things can only go up.

january

It has been one crazy most-of-a month. Unfortunately my morale has made a significant backward slide since my last post. I am still seeing my art therapist which is very helpful, and I’m also discussing various options with GSV and my work site regarding how I can lighten my work load while still fulfilling my volunteer responsibilities. My favorite idea on the table at the moment is working four days a week temporarily, and reevaluating my mental state monthly so I can move back up to a full five days.
My work stresses are mainly that many of the residents’ situations are worsening. In my first two shifts this week I had to help deescalate two different police situations with the same violent resident. In addition a resident with real promise has left due to a pregnancy, another returned to our care after a failed trail discharge to her family, residents are dating gang members 10 years older than them, hitting near bottom with addictions… and I still do not receive constant supervision. This is all on top of the typical daily stresses they encounter or cause, and I can’t even count how many times I get cursed out on any given day.
I am also experiencing some significant financial stress, as my wonderful credit union from home has decided that no matter what they do not offer deferment on student loans, and guess who’s is due, despite their $200 a month income?!@#! You got it. This guy’s. I’m also waiting on several hundred dollars in health insurance reimbursements… oy.YAYYYY simplicity!!!
Community seems to be going a bit better, and my roommate Alaina led an awesome community night this week. Picture half first date, half game show. It was a really good time.
And as for spirituality… ask me again next month?
In other GSV news, I was lucky enough to attend a UN conference with fellow volunteer Kylie from Wash Heights. We learned about the UN, health and education, and the millennium goals, and even meet Nicholas Kristof, author of Half the Sky. This book was the inspiration for my McGill statement of purpose, and if I attend there it will be the inspiration of my research! (Speaking of which, both of my applications have been submitted!) There was also a former volunteers panel last night that was both informative and inspirational. These type of events are the ones that help to remind me of why I chose to be a volunteer, and what I am passionate about within social work. We will be having our next GSV retreat next weekend, and I’m hoping for another great experience. But before that, Albany tomorrow!

new year, same me

I haven’t written for some time as a result of the usual blah: holidays, the low morale, etc. I’m happy to say that the moral of our community has generally improved, and the girls are work seem to be doing better, too.
Despite the last two months being a low point for me, they have yielded several positive consequences: I started seeing an art therapist, which I have been curious about looking into for some time, and I am getting better about speaking up for my needs at work and at keeping my mouth shut at home.
After meeting with some helpful people and having a hot second off from work, I realized that the things driving me most crazy about my job are things that are totally fixable. I need supervision, a regular schedule, and to not work a million hours of overtime every week. I spoke to my supervisor, got my schedule changed back to almost-normal, had a supervision session, and have another scheduled for next week. Thanks in part to my new plans after work and my new consciousness of saying no, I’ve begun to leave work closer to on-time every day, and didn’t work ANY over time this last week! (It was only a three day week for me, but that’s still an improvement). The girls I work with will not change, but hopefully these changes will help to make the work with them that much more manageable.
In other news, I finished my application to Hunter today and the McGill application is due in exactly one week, so I’m almost finished! That will be another load off my back, and I’m looking forward to it.
Aaaand a party shot from New Year’s Eve:

Happy New Year everyone!

'tis the season

Morale has been low in these parts for the last few weeks, and at my workplace we were told that is to be expected. The girls we work with are all in our care as a direct result of trauma/abuse/neglect, which for some was made worse by the Christmas season. Many of them were (and their families still are) struggling to meet their basic needs, so presents are out of the question. All of these feelings, coupled with the stresses of being removed from your family and living amongst 44 other teenagers going through similar issues can bring out some of the worst behaviors in our girls. Couple this with the staff referring to some of the girls as ‘the worst they’ve ever seen’ and my complaints of the staff being inappropriate and burnt out since day 1, and you have a recipe for disaster.
This past week the girls on one of the floors had two separate incidents this week that can only be described as riots. They were targeting the staff, 4 of whom were sent to the hospital as a result. I believe that 5 of the girls have been arrested and are awaiting arraignment. Three of the staff who were hospitalized were supervisors, who usually command more respect from the girls. The building director, who usually works in our “corporate headquarters” has been in our building, and we are getting support staff from NSD facilities (glorified prisons, where the staff readily restrains and tranquilizes residents if they get out of control) to come support the floor as a result. More security measures are still on their way.
These incidents did not happen on my floor, but I still found them traumatizing. Hearing the screams from the residents and the staff as they are attacked makes your stomach jump out of your body and then plummet to the floor, over and over again. The staff came up to my floor to debrief together, and hearing every version of the story multiple times was like reliving a tragedy I partially experienced repeatedly for hours. Needless to say, it was a hard week at work.
To help get me (and my roommates) through this we have been discussing the events together after work, and trying to engage in as much light-hearted fun as possible. With out larger community we bought the newest addition to our apartment, a beautiful Christmas tree we have fondly dubbed Gabriel (after the man who sold it to us). We also have an ice skating trip planned for this week at Bryant Park, hosted by GSV. I have also decided to make an appointment with an art therapist. Therapy is new to me, and I look forward to being able to sort out what this year means to me, and to gain experience in a therapeutic experience that I can use in my future career as a social worker. On the weekends I have been focusing on doing things I need to do as well as enjoy simple pleasures, like going out for coffee and getting my nails done. So, for now my friends, I am off for a manicure!