Marian Hall has fallen on some hard times. Last week was really rough, with an incident every day of the week. Several girls were hospitalized and one staff member was suspended. This of course is fueling the gossip mill which you would expect from the residents but I am sad and disappointed that staff are joining in as well. I was the only other staff on during the most noteworthy incident which puts me in a strange situation, and I will be asked to participate in an investigation. I'm pretty anxious about it, and the weird vibes on the floor aren't even close to helpful. We also have bed bugs. Ew.
Our community got some big news today: Annie, who lives in the Astoria community and works for GSV has been offered a job, but it starts in June so she will need to move back to LA in about two weeks. Of course we're all happy for her, but it will be strange and interesting to shift to a community of six so close to the end of the year.
In terms of spirituality I am still comfortable in saying that I believe in God, and I think that has helped a little bit to remain calm and decently happy despite the things going on at work. It's kind of like I have a ''center'' that I can go back to (mentally) when I'm stressing. I wish we could go back to retreat! Oh! How could I forget: in case you haven't heard, the world will end this weekend. My roommates and I plan to celebrate by going out on Friday night with themed t-shirts. (We're really cool, I know.) I suggest you repent and save your soul and all that bullshit, or follow our lead and have a great "last night" on Earth. Pictures to follow.
Simplicity? Being poor sucks, I wish I had more money, blahblahblah. I'm making it just fine, though.
We have two and a half months left in our year. I'm starting to feel the time crunch, most especially in terms of taking advantage of all that NYC has to offer. I want to continue exploring and enjoying the city (and the bars), but so much of my time is already claimed! I tried to get a happy hour thing going with coworkers and I don't know if I can even pull that off! In happier news my Aunt is coming to visit this weekend and I think we're going out to dinner and to see the Lion King on Broadway. It was one of my biggest goals to see it before I left NYC and it might actually come true!!!
I haven't heard much news in the McGill department except that I'm having trouble transfering in my Freiburg course from SUNY New Paltz. I'll keep working on it, but even if it doesn't work out I can still use the opportunity to take a fun class that I''m interested in. I sent in my student permit papers to Quebec last week - keep your fingers crossed that I get it back soon! French class is going well but I wish I had more time to devote to studying. Oh schwell.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Retreat and Reality
Our silent spirituality retreat was this past weekend. Going into it I was both looking forward to the break from talking/small talk/work/normal life and worried about things like boredom, not being able to express myself to others, and being forced to think about God, which is a pretty uncomfortable topic for me.
The retreat was in Garrison, NY on a big, beautiful plot of land with gardens, rolling hills, rock outcrops looking over a valley and mountains, and near a few trail heads for hiking. It was really beautiful. Once we entered silence I spent most of my time on said rock outcrop, loving the quiet, view, and sun. Actually, aside from meals, when it was cold, and any meetings, I ended up spending almost my entire weekend on the rocks. Anyway, the retreat was cool and we did different things like different forms of prayer (meditation, an overnight vigil, etc.) and it turns out the silence wasn't even that hard. Meal times as a big silent group were weird and I got pretty bored on Saturday night when I couldn't stay outside, but besides that I rather enjoyed myself. I also decided that I believe in God. I realized that a lot of me fear and resentment about God was really about the church, and that is still true. I made a list of things I've been told about God and things that I want from/believe in about God, and decided that, while I can't "invent" God, I can believe in a God that most represents me. I haven't gotten far along enough to really know what that looks like, but give me a while, it was only one weekend. I also realized that I don't believe in Jesus and the trinity and all that.
So, that's that about my weekend, and what a snap back to reality it was today. I actually woke up in a good mood today (rare when I'm going to work), but that ended as soon as I stepped out of the elevator and right into the aftermath of a fight. In total I broke up about 4 fights today, and that's after round 1 that I missed in the morning. I was also accused by a resident of stealing from her (what exactly I "stole" I don't even know) and was an emotional punching bag all day long. But that part is pretty normal.
Despite all this I was able to see a big improvement in the behavior of one residents that I probably even wrote about before. She was the one who, if she so much as made one more verbal threat about anyone, was going directly to Rikers. She has since consistently stayed out of the drama, been helpful in distracting girls who would otherwise get involved in drama, and I've seen her defend me more than once when another resident was drinkin the hateoraid. She has an ongoing problem with a resident, perhaps her best friend there, who steals from her bedroom, but today instead of yelling and threatening about it she cried, spoke to her social worker, set up a meditation session with the girl, and got permission to go visit her mother to cool down. I was so proud of her that I pulled her aside to recognize her and thank her. I could tell she really appreciated it which made it even better. Seeing things like that make it so much easier to get through the other stuff. Actually, it's probably the only thing that makes getting through the other stuff possible.
After work I finally made it to the conservatory gardens in Central Park to an impromptu picnic, and it was super beautiful. I even saw a raccoon.
The retreat was in Garrison, NY on a big, beautiful plot of land with gardens, rolling hills, rock outcrops looking over a valley and mountains, and near a few trail heads for hiking. It was really beautiful. Once we entered silence I spent most of my time on said rock outcrop, loving the quiet, view, and sun. Actually, aside from meals, when it was cold, and any meetings, I ended up spending almost my entire weekend on the rocks. Anyway, the retreat was cool and we did different things like different forms of prayer (meditation, an overnight vigil, etc.) and it turns out the silence wasn't even that hard. Meal times as a big silent group were weird and I got pretty bored on Saturday night when I couldn't stay outside, but besides that I rather enjoyed myself. I also decided that I believe in God. I realized that a lot of me fear and resentment about God was really about the church, and that is still true. I made a list of things I've been told about God and things that I want from/believe in about God, and decided that, while I can't "invent" God, I can believe in a God that most represents me. I haven't gotten far along enough to really know what that looks like, but give me a while, it was only one weekend. I also realized that I don't believe in Jesus and the trinity and all that.
So, that's that about my weekend, and what a snap back to reality it was today. I actually woke up in a good mood today (rare when I'm going to work), but that ended as soon as I stepped out of the elevator and right into the aftermath of a fight. In total I broke up about 4 fights today, and that's after round 1 that I missed in the morning. I was also accused by a resident of stealing from her (what exactly I "stole" I don't even know) and was an emotional punching bag all day long. But that part is pretty normal.
Despite all this I was able to see a big improvement in the behavior of one residents that I probably even wrote about before. She was the one who, if she so much as made one more verbal threat about anyone, was going directly to Rikers. She has since consistently stayed out of the drama, been helpful in distracting girls who would otherwise get involved in drama, and I've seen her defend me more than once when another resident was drinkin the hateoraid. She has an ongoing problem with a resident, perhaps her best friend there, who steals from her bedroom, but today instead of yelling and threatening about it she cried, spoke to her social worker, set up a meditation session with the girl, and got permission to go visit her mother to cool down. I was so proud of her that I pulled her aside to recognize her and thank her. I could tell she really appreciated it which made it even better. Seeing things like that make it so much easier to get through the other stuff. Actually, it's probably the only thing that makes getting through the other stuff possible.
After work I finally made it to the conservatory gardens in Central Park to an impromptu picnic, and it was super beautiful. I even saw a raccoon.
Monday, May 2, 2011
spring time
my whirlwind week went really well, if i do say so myself. i was able to see dave, even if it was ever-so-breif, and i finally made my first trip to mcgill as an accepted student. yay! the weather was worse than terrible (freezing! rain!) and almost made me second guess my decision to move even farther north. but im pretty sure itll be worth it.
i met with my advisor, who didnt give me tons of new information but really just helped to explain the basics of the program and make me feel more comfortable. it was nice to finally just have some face-to-face conversation about my future plans with someone who knows what she's talking about. she looks pretty relaxed too, so hopefully ill have some more flexibility and room for creativity in my research.
i also met the woman who will assign me my field placement, and learned a few surprising things. for example, one thing that drew me to mcgill is the large number of international students, but i think im the only international student in my entire program. i am for sure the only one who doesnt speak french, and one of the only ones who's not currently a mcgill undergrad. talk about sticking out. now im more concerned than before that i find a good, friendly roommate so i can have someone to talk to in case i dont fit in with my classmates. i also learned that mcgill has some awesome opportunities to do a summer internship abroad, including in a few african countries, but i dont think ill take advantage of them because i want to spend the whole year in montreal. i might consider using some of their connections to go after i graduate, though.
so now that im back i have a lot of work to do, including getting a visa, continuing with my french lessons, planning a move, finding an apartment, deciding on a thesis, getting financial aid... oh boy!
my trip to new paltz with some residents was also a big success. at first it wasnt looking good. i was late, which pissed off one resident, only 3 out of 5 girls who signed up came, and they were all kind of cranky and wanted a 'quick' trip. they also didnt realize it was a 1.5 hour drive each way. they didnt want to see suny new paltz, saying it would be lame and boring, but i took a shot and drove there anyway. we got out of the car and started wandering toward a building, and i got some badass points for letting myself in. they were clearly feeling out of place and thought we might get in trouble. as we started wandering i pointed out different things like a theater and gym, and the girls were getting more and more excited in spite of themselves. by the end they were all talking about how cool college is and how they all really want to go and be students. i knew it wouldnt last, but i was so proud of myself and them in that moment that i didnt care. then we had a pretty decent chinese buffet and made it home almost on time.
besides that work has basically been the same old. some days im the good guy, some days im not. some days i hate going and then some days, like today, it isnt so bad and i find myself enjoying the residents' company in a really genuine and full way.
im enjoying my free time a lot, even more than before because its finally spring. i planted a little roof-top garden and ate a few meals on my roof. ive gone out without freezing between bars, and im more comfortable in different neighborhoods. im trying to branch out a little, and even did yoga in the park yesterday. im still sore. the reality that the end of the year is rapidly approaching is setting in, and i feel like i still have so much left to do here in nyc. hopefully ill get to see everything on my 'bucket list' before i go.
our silent spirituality retreat is this weekend, and i dont really know how i feel about it. i think it could be cool, but i honestly just dont want to give up my cell phone for 3 days. but that kind of makes me more interested in the idea. ill let you know how it goes!
i met with my advisor, who didnt give me tons of new information but really just helped to explain the basics of the program and make me feel more comfortable. it was nice to finally just have some face-to-face conversation about my future plans with someone who knows what she's talking about. she looks pretty relaxed too, so hopefully ill have some more flexibility and room for creativity in my research.
i also met the woman who will assign me my field placement, and learned a few surprising things. for example, one thing that drew me to mcgill is the large number of international students, but i think im the only international student in my entire program. i am for sure the only one who doesnt speak french, and one of the only ones who's not currently a mcgill undergrad. talk about sticking out. now im more concerned than before that i find a good, friendly roommate so i can have someone to talk to in case i dont fit in with my classmates. i also learned that mcgill has some awesome opportunities to do a summer internship abroad, including in a few african countries, but i dont think ill take advantage of them because i want to spend the whole year in montreal. i might consider using some of their connections to go after i graduate, though.
so now that im back i have a lot of work to do, including getting a visa, continuing with my french lessons, planning a move, finding an apartment, deciding on a thesis, getting financial aid... oh boy!
my trip to new paltz with some residents was also a big success. at first it wasnt looking good. i was late, which pissed off one resident, only 3 out of 5 girls who signed up came, and they were all kind of cranky and wanted a 'quick' trip. they also didnt realize it was a 1.5 hour drive each way. they didnt want to see suny new paltz, saying it would be lame and boring, but i took a shot and drove there anyway. we got out of the car and started wandering toward a building, and i got some badass points for letting myself in. they were clearly feeling out of place and thought we might get in trouble. as we started wandering i pointed out different things like a theater and gym, and the girls were getting more and more excited in spite of themselves. by the end they were all talking about how cool college is and how they all really want to go and be students. i knew it wouldnt last, but i was so proud of myself and them in that moment that i didnt care. then we had a pretty decent chinese buffet and made it home almost on time.
besides that work has basically been the same old. some days im the good guy, some days im not. some days i hate going and then some days, like today, it isnt so bad and i find myself enjoying the residents' company in a really genuine and full way.
im enjoying my free time a lot, even more than before because its finally spring. i planted a little roof-top garden and ate a few meals on my roof. ive gone out without freezing between bars, and im more comfortable in different neighborhoods. im trying to branch out a little, and even did yoga in the park yesterday. im still sore. the reality that the end of the year is rapidly approaching is setting in, and i feel like i still have so much left to do here in nyc. hopefully ill get to see everything on my 'bucket list' before i go.
our silent spirituality retreat is this weekend, and i dont really know how i feel about it. i think it could be cool, but i honestly just dont want to give up my cell phone for 3 days. but that kind of makes me more interested in the idea. ill let you know how it goes!
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