Alaska + Vacation + the beginning of the end

Last week my Aunt took my sister and I to Anchorage for a long weekend to visit her son/our cousin Anthony. It was a really cool trip - definitely not one I would have planned for myself, but that makes it even better! We had a nice break in a string of crappy weather.. highs of about 60 and sunny. I never saw it get dark, or even dusky because the sun is currently up for almost the full 24 hours for summer. We went to a bunch of state and national parks, hiked up to a glacier, saw sea and land animal conservation centers, went on a glacier cruise (we saw a whale!) and visited a Native American cultural center which was really great. It was nice to see my aunt again and my cousin who I haven't spoken to almost since childhood and my sister and I had a nice time together, too.

I returned to an almost full week off here in NYC and Dave came to visit for 6 days. It was the perfect vacation.. the kind where you're not at work and you're not thinking about it, either! We didn't do very much so it was really relaxing and a perfect break from the craziness that is the ending of GSV and prep for Montreal and McGill. Now that I'm back at work I only have two weeks left!

I feel a lot different about work, in part from being on vacation and also because I'm leaving soon. I've said that I hate work constantly throughout this year, but by the time I was getting ready to go back on Monday I was really excited to see the girls and wondering what they had all been up to. I showed Dave a bunch of pictures of them from throughout the year and kept telling him "She had a really crappy life and earlier this year she did this and this and this but now she does this!" It was a refreshing change in my own thought process.

I've been back for three days so far, and I am so impressed. The girls started their summer internships, and they've all had perfect attendance so far! It's sad but money (not even much of it) is really the only thing that works to motivate them. Even if money is the main factor they've been coming home beat, maybe complaining a little but you can tell that they have a lot of pride in their work and are very pleased with themselves. Today, for the first time in recent memory, a group of about 5 girls were sitting in the kitchen eating together and talking. It's incredible the changes that occur in the community when the residents are focused on themselves and their goals. They're too distracted to worry about gossip or drama, and they have a new level of confidence. It was so wonderful to see and I told them so. They told me to stop being cheesy. I guess some things will never change.

When I returned from vacation I posted the monthly calendar of events, which includes my last day. A bunch of girls noticed and asked me about it, saying it came too quickly and that they'll miss me. It's really incredible to see that after a year of a lot of nonsense and little appreciation that they do notice the work I do. I know that my being pleased with this is selfish, and that purpose is to be there for them and to serve them, but knowing that they appreciate my being there is so, so gratifying. My caring about them was noticed, but more importantly, they care. My hope is that they don't just see me as a nice volunteer, but that they internalize the message that someone cares about them, enough to spend a whole year with them being treated like crap with almost no reward, just because they matter. I want them to know how much they matter.

The building is holding a going away party for Jess, Krystina and I, and I know that I will probably get a card and a small gift. I'm really excited for the party because I hope it is a time when all the girls come together for a happy (or to them possibly sad) occasion and we can just relive happy memories from the year and appreciate each other. I'm making a photobook of the year to leave for the floor, and I'm also going to make them each personalized cards telling them how proud I am of them, and to offer them some ongoing encouragement. I hope they like them, and I really hope my leaving can be seen as a positive event and that it doesn't spark any more incidents (because they may be sad/abandoned/angry and not know how to handle these emotions).

And for my future life.. not much has happened. I still don't have an internship or apartment lined up, but it's definitely not for a lack of trying. I am able to register for classes now, I just haven't gotten to it yet. I'm still waiting to hear about my visa and was told to call on Friday to ask for an update. As soon as I go back up to Albany I'll be able to focus on all of these things full time, plus find out my financial aid offer! It will be such a relief!