I have updates gallore, but alas, they must wait until tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
hot hot heat.
Not cool. Literally. Ba-dum-CHI!
I have updates gallore, but alas, they must wait until tomorrow!
I have updates gallore, but alas, they must wait until tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
la-la-la-life
Marian Hall has fallen on some hard times. Last week was really rough, with an incident every day of the week. Several girls were hospitalized and one staff member was suspended. This of course is fueling the gossip mill which you would expect from the residents but I am sad and disappointed that staff are joining in as well. I was the only other staff on during the most noteworthy incident which puts me in a strange situation, and I will be asked to participate in an investigation. I'm pretty anxious about it, and the weird vibes on the floor aren't even close to helpful. We also have bed bugs. Ew.
Our community got some big news today: Annie, who lives in the Astoria community and works for GSV has been offered a job, but it starts in June so she will need to move back to LA in about two weeks. Of course we're all happy for her, but it will be strange and interesting to shift to a community of six so close to the end of the year.
In terms of spirituality I am still comfortable in saying that I believe in God, and I think that has helped a little bit to remain calm and decently happy despite the things going on at work. It's kind of like I have a ''center'' that I can go back to (mentally) when I'm stressing. I wish we could go back to retreat! Oh! How could I forget: in case you haven't heard, the world will end this weekend. My roommates and I plan to celebrate by going out on Friday night with themed t-shirts. (We're really cool, I know.) I suggest you repent and save your soul and all that bullshit, or follow our lead and have a great "last night" on Earth. Pictures to follow.
Simplicity? Being poor sucks, I wish I had more money, blahblahblah. I'm making it just fine, though.
We have two and a half months left in our year. I'm starting to feel the time crunch, most especially in terms of taking advantage of all that NYC has to offer. I want to continue exploring and enjoying the city (and the bars), but so much of my time is already claimed! I tried to get a happy hour thing going with coworkers and I don't know if I can even pull that off! In happier news my Aunt is coming to visit this weekend and I think we're going out to dinner and to see the Lion King on Broadway. It was one of my biggest goals to see it before I left NYC and it might actually come true!!!
I haven't heard much news in the McGill department except that I'm having trouble transfering in my Freiburg course from SUNY New Paltz. I'll keep working on it, but even if it doesn't work out I can still use the opportunity to take a fun class that I''m interested in. I sent in my student permit papers to Quebec last week - keep your fingers crossed that I get it back soon! French class is going well but I wish I had more time to devote to studying. Oh schwell.
Our community got some big news today: Annie, who lives in the Astoria community and works for GSV has been offered a job, but it starts in June so she will need to move back to LA in about two weeks. Of course we're all happy for her, but it will be strange and interesting to shift to a community of six so close to the end of the year.
In terms of spirituality I am still comfortable in saying that I believe in God, and I think that has helped a little bit to remain calm and decently happy despite the things going on at work. It's kind of like I have a ''center'' that I can go back to (mentally) when I'm stressing. I wish we could go back to retreat! Oh! How could I forget: in case you haven't heard, the world will end this weekend. My roommates and I plan to celebrate by going out on Friday night with themed t-shirts. (We're really cool, I know.) I suggest you repent and save your soul and all that bullshit, or follow our lead and have a great "last night" on Earth. Pictures to follow.
Simplicity? Being poor sucks, I wish I had more money, blahblahblah. I'm making it just fine, though.
We have two and a half months left in our year. I'm starting to feel the time crunch, most especially in terms of taking advantage of all that NYC has to offer. I want to continue exploring and enjoying the city (and the bars), but so much of my time is already claimed! I tried to get a happy hour thing going with coworkers and I don't know if I can even pull that off! In happier news my Aunt is coming to visit this weekend and I think we're going out to dinner and to see the Lion King on Broadway. It was one of my biggest goals to see it before I left NYC and it might actually come true!!!
I haven't heard much news in the McGill department except that I'm having trouble transfering in my Freiburg course from SUNY New Paltz. I'll keep working on it, but even if it doesn't work out I can still use the opportunity to take a fun class that I''m interested in. I sent in my student permit papers to Quebec last week - keep your fingers crossed that I get it back soon! French class is going well but I wish I had more time to devote to studying. Oh schwell.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Retreat and Reality
Our silent spirituality retreat was this past weekend. Going into it I was both looking forward to the break from talking/small talk/work/normal life and worried about things like boredom, not being able to express myself to others, and being forced to think about God, which is a pretty uncomfortable topic for me.
The retreat was in Garrison, NY on a big, beautiful plot of land with gardens, rolling hills, rock outcrops looking over a valley and mountains, and near a few trail heads for hiking. It was really beautiful. Once we entered silence I spent most of my time on said rock outcrop, loving the quiet, view, and sun. Actually, aside from meals, when it was cold, and any meetings, I ended up spending almost my entire weekend on the rocks. Anyway, the retreat was cool and we did different things like different forms of prayer (meditation, an overnight vigil, etc.) and it turns out the silence wasn't even that hard. Meal times as a big silent group were weird and I got pretty bored on Saturday night when I couldn't stay outside, but besides that I rather enjoyed myself. I also decided that I believe in God. I realized that a lot of me fear and resentment about God was really about the church, and that is still true. I made a list of things I've been told about God and things that I want from/believe in about God, and decided that, while I can't "invent" God, I can believe in a God that most represents me. I haven't gotten far along enough to really know what that looks like, but give me a while, it was only one weekend. I also realized that I don't believe in Jesus and the trinity and all that.
So, that's that about my weekend, and what a snap back to reality it was today. I actually woke up in a good mood today (rare when I'm going to work), but that ended as soon as I stepped out of the elevator and right into the aftermath of a fight. In total I broke up about 4 fights today, and that's after round 1 that I missed in the morning. I was also accused by a resident of stealing from her (what exactly I "stole" I don't even know) and was an emotional punching bag all day long. But that part is pretty normal.
Despite all this I was able to see a big improvement in the behavior of one residents that I probably even wrote about before. She was the one who, if she so much as made one more verbal threat about anyone, was going directly to Rikers. She has since consistently stayed out of the drama, been helpful in distracting girls who would otherwise get involved in drama, and I've seen her defend me more than once when another resident was drinkin the hateoraid. She has an ongoing problem with a resident, perhaps her best friend there, who steals from her bedroom, but today instead of yelling and threatening about it she cried, spoke to her social worker, set up a meditation session with the girl, and got permission to go visit her mother to cool down. I was so proud of her that I pulled her aside to recognize her and thank her. I could tell she really appreciated it which made it even better. Seeing things like that make it so much easier to get through the other stuff. Actually, it's probably the only thing that makes getting through the other stuff possible.
After work I finally made it to the conservatory gardens in Central Park to an impromptu picnic, and it was super beautiful. I even saw a raccoon.
The retreat was in Garrison, NY on a big, beautiful plot of land with gardens, rolling hills, rock outcrops looking over a valley and mountains, and near a few trail heads for hiking. It was really beautiful. Once we entered silence I spent most of my time on said rock outcrop, loving the quiet, view, and sun. Actually, aside from meals, when it was cold, and any meetings, I ended up spending almost my entire weekend on the rocks. Anyway, the retreat was cool and we did different things like different forms of prayer (meditation, an overnight vigil, etc.) and it turns out the silence wasn't even that hard. Meal times as a big silent group were weird and I got pretty bored on Saturday night when I couldn't stay outside, but besides that I rather enjoyed myself. I also decided that I believe in God. I realized that a lot of me fear and resentment about God was really about the church, and that is still true. I made a list of things I've been told about God and things that I want from/believe in about God, and decided that, while I can't "invent" God, I can believe in a God that most represents me. I haven't gotten far along enough to really know what that looks like, but give me a while, it was only one weekend. I also realized that I don't believe in Jesus and the trinity and all that.
So, that's that about my weekend, and what a snap back to reality it was today. I actually woke up in a good mood today (rare when I'm going to work), but that ended as soon as I stepped out of the elevator and right into the aftermath of a fight. In total I broke up about 4 fights today, and that's after round 1 that I missed in the morning. I was also accused by a resident of stealing from her (what exactly I "stole" I don't even know) and was an emotional punching bag all day long. But that part is pretty normal.
Despite all this I was able to see a big improvement in the behavior of one residents that I probably even wrote about before. She was the one who, if she so much as made one more verbal threat about anyone, was going directly to Rikers. She has since consistently stayed out of the drama, been helpful in distracting girls who would otherwise get involved in drama, and I've seen her defend me more than once when another resident was drinkin the hateoraid. She has an ongoing problem with a resident, perhaps her best friend there, who steals from her bedroom, but today instead of yelling and threatening about it she cried, spoke to her social worker, set up a meditation session with the girl, and got permission to go visit her mother to cool down. I was so proud of her that I pulled her aside to recognize her and thank her. I could tell she really appreciated it which made it even better. Seeing things like that make it so much easier to get through the other stuff. Actually, it's probably the only thing that makes getting through the other stuff possible.
After work I finally made it to the conservatory gardens in Central Park to an impromptu picnic, and it was super beautiful. I even saw a raccoon.
Monday, May 2, 2011
spring time
my whirlwind week went really well, if i do say so myself. i was able to see dave, even if it was ever-so-breif, and i finally made my first trip to mcgill as an accepted student. yay! the weather was worse than terrible (freezing! rain!) and almost made me second guess my decision to move even farther north. but im pretty sure itll be worth it.
i met with my advisor, who didnt give me tons of new information but really just helped to explain the basics of the program and make me feel more comfortable. it was nice to finally just have some face-to-face conversation about my future plans with someone who knows what she's talking about. she looks pretty relaxed too, so hopefully ill have some more flexibility and room for creativity in my research.
i also met the woman who will assign me my field placement, and learned a few surprising things. for example, one thing that drew me to mcgill is the large number of international students, but i think im the only international student in my entire program. i am for sure the only one who doesnt speak french, and one of the only ones who's not currently a mcgill undergrad. talk about sticking out. now im more concerned than before that i find a good, friendly roommate so i can have someone to talk to in case i dont fit in with my classmates. i also learned that mcgill has some awesome opportunities to do a summer internship abroad, including in a few african countries, but i dont think ill take advantage of them because i want to spend the whole year in montreal. i might consider using some of their connections to go after i graduate, though.
so now that im back i have a lot of work to do, including getting a visa, continuing with my french lessons, planning a move, finding an apartment, deciding on a thesis, getting financial aid... oh boy!
my trip to new paltz with some residents was also a big success. at first it wasnt looking good. i was late, which pissed off one resident, only 3 out of 5 girls who signed up came, and they were all kind of cranky and wanted a 'quick' trip. they also didnt realize it was a 1.5 hour drive each way. they didnt want to see suny new paltz, saying it would be lame and boring, but i took a shot and drove there anyway. we got out of the car and started wandering toward a building, and i got some badass points for letting myself in. they were clearly feeling out of place and thought we might get in trouble. as we started wandering i pointed out different things like a theater and gym, and the girls were getting more and more excited in spite of themselves. by the end they were all talking about how cool college is and how they all really want to go and be students. i knew it wouldnt last, but i was so proud of myself and them in that moment that i didnt care. then we had a pretty decent chinese buffet and made it home almost on time.
besides that work has basically been the same old. some days im the good guy, some days im not. some days i hate going and then some days, like today, it isnt so bad and i find myself enjoying the residents' company in a really genuine and full way.
im enjoying my free time a lot, even more than before because its finally spring. i planted a little roof-top garden and ate a few meals on my roof. ive gone out without freezing between bars, and im more comfortable in different neighborhoods. im trying to branch out a little, and even did yoga in the park yesterday. im still sore. the reality that the end of the year is rapidly approaching is setting in, and i feel like i still have so much left to do here in nyc. hopefully ill get to see everything on my 'bucket list' before i go.
our silent spirituality retreat is this weekend, and i dont really know how i feel about it. i think it could be cool, but i honestly just dont want to give up my cell phone for 3 days. but that kind of makes me more interested in the idea. ill let you know how it goes!
i met with my advisor, who didnt give me tons of new information but really just helped to explain the basics of the program and make me feel more comfortable. it was nice to finally just have some face-to-face conversation about my future plans with someone who knows what she's talking about. she looks pretty relaxed too, so hopefully ill have some more flexibility and room for creativity in my research.
i also met the woman who will assign me my field placement, and learned a few surprising things. for example, one thing that drew me to mcgill is the large number of international students, but i think im the only international student in my entire program. i am for sure the only one who doesnt speak french, and one of the only ones who's not currently a mcgill undergrad. talk about sticking out. now im more concerned than before that i find a good, friendly roommate so i can have someone to talk to in case i dont fit in with my classmates. i also learned that mcgill has some awesome opportunities to do a summer internship abroad, including in a few african countries, but i dont think ill take advantage of them because i want to spend the whole year in montreal. i might consider using some of their connections to go after i graduate, though.
so now that im back i have a lot of work to do, including getting a visa, continuing with my french lessons, planning a move, finding an apartment, deciding on a thesis, getting financial aid... oh boy!
my trip to new paltz with some residents was also a big success. at first it wasnt looking good. i was late, which pissed off one resident, only 3 out of 5 girls who signed up came, and they were all kind of cranky and wanted a 'quick' trip. they also didnt realize it was a 1.5 hour drive each way. they didnt want to see suny new paltz, saying it would be lame and boring, but i took a shot and drove there anyway. we got out of the car and started wandering toward a building, and i got some badass points for letting myself in. they were clearly feeling out of place and thought we might get in trouble. as we started wandering i pointed out different things like a theater and gym, and the girls were getting more and more excited in spite of themselves. by the end they were all talking about how cool college is and how they all really want to go and be students. i knew it wouldnt last, but i was so proud of myself and them in that moment that i didnt care. then we had a pretty decent chinese buffet and made it home almost on time.
besides that work has basically been the same old. some days im the good guy, some days im not. some days i hate going and then some days, like today, it isnt so bad and i find myself enjoying the residents' company in a really genuine and full way.
im enjoying my free time a lot, even more than before because its finally spring. i planted a little roof-top garden and ate a few meals on my roof. ive gone out without freezing between bars, and im more comfortable in different neighborhoods. im trying to branch out a little, and even did yoga in the park yesterday. im still sore. the reality that the end of the year is rapidly approaching is setting in, and i feel like i still have so much left to do here in nyc. hopefully ill get to see everything on my 'bucket list' before i go.
our silent spirituality retreat is this weekend, and i dont really know how i feel about it. i think it could be cool, but i honestly just dont want to give up my cell phone for 3 days. but that kind of makes me more interested in the idea. ill let you know how it goes!
Monday, April 18, 2011
cha-cha-changeeeeee
everything is so good right now.
tomorrow im leaving for a whirlwind of a week, where Ill be driving up to albany tomorrow then to montreal for wednesday and back down to the city to make it to work by 1 so i can pick up some residents and drive them up to new paltz to come right back to work again on friday before leaving saturday morning to go home for the weekend again with the intent of returning to nyc monday night. got it?
im really excited to do all these things and to see dave and to visit mcgill for the first time as an accepted student. yayayay! my agenda for wednesday is as follows: leave albany with sister around 8am, arrive in montreal around 12 noon. check out the various housing offices to try and figure out where ill live, and depending on time explore some student neighborhoods and get lunch. meet with my field coordinator from 2-3, then with my academic advisor from 3-4, then attend the field orientation with the other students in my track from 4-5:30. drive back to albany, and arrive somewhere near 10pm. i cant wait!
back here in good ol nyc things are going swimmingly as well. tomorrow ill be going on a home visit to a resident's home for the first time, so im excited to both get out of the building and learn another aspect of the job. im taking some residents to new paltz on thursday as my shift to get them out of the house (theyre on spring break) and i really hope they have a good time.
ive had a great last two weekends with my community, going out and about in the city, astoria, and scranton PA. these weekends make up the moments i know im going to miss the most next year.
tonight for spirituality night jon lead all of the gsv's in a "pre-spirituality" night in anticipation of our last (!!) gsv retreat. its the spirituality retreat, and it will be silent. no music, no books, no cell phones.. and i dont want to be a debbie downer but it doesnt sound like much fun either. its going to be 3 days of reflection and meditation, with a mix of guided time and alone time. i am not good at that much alone time and ive never tried to be quiet for that long. i think its going to be really uncomfortable and either lead to cyclical thinking (read, worrying) and/or lots of boredom. but ill give it a shot and see what i think. even if its really difficult or terrible its only one weekend, right?
so, friends, thats where ill leave off this time. toodles!
tomorrow im leaving for a whirlwind of a week, where Ill be driving up to albany tomorrow then to montreal for wednesday and back down to the city to make it to work by 1 so i can pick up some residents and drive them up to new paltz to come right back to work again on friday before leaving saturday morning to go home for the weekend again with the intent of returning to nyc monday night. got it?
im really excited to do all these things and to see dave and to visit mcgill for the first time as an accepted student. yayayay! my agenda for wednesday is as follows: leave albany with sister around 8am, arrive in montreal around 12 noon. check out the various housing offices to try and figure out where ill live, and depending on time explore some student neighborhoods and get lunch. meet with my field coordinator from 2-3, then with my academic advisor from 3-4, then attend the field orientation with the other students in my track from 4-5:30. drive back to albany, and arrive somewhere near 10pm. i cant wait!
back here in good ol nyc things are going swimmingly as well. tomorrow ill be going on a home visit to a resident's home for the first time, so im excited to both get out of the building and learn another aspect of the job. im taking some residents to new paltz on thursday as my shift to get them out of the house (theyre on spring break) and i really hope they have a good time.
ive had a great last two weekends with my community, going out and about in the city, astoria, and scranton PA. these weekends make up the moments i know im going to miss the most next year.
tonight for spirituality night jon lead all of the gsv's in a "pre-spirituality" night in anticipation of our last (!!) gsv retreat. its the spirituality retreat, and it will be silent. no music, no books, no cell phones.. and i dont want to be a debbie downer but it doesnt sound like much fun either. its going to be 3 days of reflection and meditation, with a mix of guided time and alone time. i am not good at that much alone time and ive never tried to be quiet for that long. i think its going to be really uncomfortable and either lead to cyclical thinking (read, worrying) and/or lots of boredom. but ill give it a shot and see what i think. even if its really difficult or terrible its only one weekend, right?
so, friends, thats where ill leave off this time. toodles!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
check-in
my name is madeline and i feel relaxed.
my goal for the evening is to stay relaxed and to continue riding the high of this weekend.
krystina can help me with that.
my goal for the evening is to stay relaxed and to continue riding the high of this weekend.
krystina can help me with that.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
progress
it's been an even busier two weeks, now that I've got a plan for next year, the weather's getting slightly nicer and some of our residents are prepairing to age out of marian hall.
work has been rough recently as many of the girls have acquired some nasty new attitudes and increased their attention seeking behaviors, but today who cares because we had some major successes!!! our oldest resident, who has been there for 6 years, struggeled through multiple stints at rehab and couldn't maintain any kind of education or vocational program GRADUATED from a cooking program and GOT A JOB!!! She called screaming with excitement for her and I was so happy and proud of her I was screaming right back at her. then, another miracle, one of our toughest girls who's been in and out of psych hospitals since age 5 actually went to a housing interview and did well enough to make it to their waiting list!!! i honestly could not believe it. i was so excited for both of them my face was hurting from smiling so much. it made me want to cry. what a day.
im also planning a bunch of fun outings to do with them soon because they have a long spring break coming up. im hoping it will help me to enjoy working and their company a little more.
im continuing to enjoy community here in astoria. we have some pretty cool community nights (this week we went to a book release - a memoir-ish type book written by a former child prostitute turned founder of GEMS, a group that works with girls in forced sexual enslavement that marian hall has sent some residents to - really great stuff!) and we do a lot of fun things on our own too. im looking forward to another fun weekend filled with exploring the city and partying-hardy =]
in terms of next years plans things are coming together really quickly. i started french lessons yesterday. it was pretty hard because the teacher only speaks to us in french so i often have no idea whats going on, but i know it will help me learn faster so im just going to have to put in a lot of effort. its a small class of nice people, so hopefully it will be a fun and enjoyable experience. also i got a day off (!!) to attend a field placement open house at mcgill at the end of the month, and some staff there were nice enough to switch their schedules around to accommodate meeting with me! im going to meet with my future academic advisor to plan my class schedule and discuss my research interests and with the field advisor to discuss possible placements for next year. im really excited to know what ill be doing and happy that they were so nice to go out of their ways to meet with me since im from so far away. it makes me hopeful that im going to have a good experience next year at mcgill =] im hoping to learn about my housing options when i go up to visit, and i should hear about the TAship and scholarships soon. so exciting!!!
work has been rough recently as many of the girls have acquired some nasty new attitudes and increased their attention seeking behaviors, but today who cares because we had some major successes!!! our oldest resident, who has been there for 6 years, struggeled through multiple stints at rehab and couldn't maintain any kind of education or vocational program GRADUATED from a cooking program and GOT A JOB!!! She called screaming with excitement for her and I was so happy and proud of her I was screaming right back at her. then, another miracle, one of our toughest girls who's been in and out of psych hospitals since age 5 actually went to a housing interview and did well enough to make it to their waiting list!!! i honestly could not believe it. i was so excited for both of them my face was hurting from smiling so much. it made me want to cry. what a day.
im also planning a bunch of fun outings to do with them soon because they have a long spring break coming up. im hoping it will help me to enjoy working and their company a little more.
im continuing to enjoy community here in astoria. we have some pretty cool community nights (this week we went to a book release - a memoir-ish type book written by a former child prostitute turned founder of GEMS, a group that works with girls in forced sexual enslavement that marian hall has sent some residents to - really great stuff!) and we do a lot of fun things on our own too. im looking forward to another fun weekend filled with exploring the city and partying-hardy =]
in terms of next years plans things are coming together really quickly. i started french lessons yesterday. it was pretty hard because the teacher only speaks to us in french so i often have no idea whats going on, but i know it will help me learn faster so im just going to have to put in a lot of effort. its a small class of nice people, so hopefully it will be a fun and enjoyable experience. also i got a day off (!!) to attend a field placement open house at mcgill at the end of the month, and some staff there were nice enough to switch their schedules around to accommodate meeting with me! im going to meet with my future academic advisor to plan my class schedule and discuss my research interests and with the field advisor to discuss possible placements for next year. im really excited to know what ill be doing and happy that they were so nice to go out of their ways to meet with me since im from so far away. it makes me hopeful that im going to have a good experience next year at mcgill =] im hoping to learn about my housing options when i go up to visit, and i should hear about the TAship and scholarships soon. so exciting!!!
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