Car Ride Reflections

During a car ride back to good ol' Dlink some roommates and I got to talking about the impending end of the year. Yay, we're almmost done, but what had we learned? Have we changed? Has anything changed? It sure feels like it has, but when it's time to explain what this year has been to me I always seems to fall short. Words like "wonderful, incredible, challenging, growth, love, community, amazing" and more come to my mind readily, but what do those words really mean? I never feel that they can adequately explain the magnitude of what my communitymates and I have experienced together.

I will not attempt to define any of those things for you, but here is an abbreviated list of the changes I have noticed in myself over the course of the past year.

-I've begun to realize the depth and ways in which my need to control impact my relationships with others, especially those who also like/need to control. The same is true of my relationships with external situations, for example at work.
-I learned how to ask for help. I saw a therapist, and I cautiously opened up to my roommates, who proved to be my best support of the year.
-I learned the value of self care: when to say 'no, I've done enough today', when to say 'it's ok to mindlessly watch tv for a little while, everything else can wait'. Also, I learned to create rituals for myself, like nails and bagels on Sunday mornings.
-I worked on becoming more independent. If I wanted to do something in the city and no one was around I did it anyway, by myself. I never did that before.
-I became more aware of my "blunt honesty" and how others around me receive it. Apparently, not everyone likes it as much as I do.
-Most importantly, although I recognize these changes, I don't think that I personally have changed. I feel like this year of GSV has made me a better, more aware version of the person I have always been. I have become a better version of myself.

Apartment

Good news! I had a skype date today with my potential new roommates and it went really well! I got a virtual tour of the place, which is a renovated building from the 20's. It still has its old time charm and it seemed pretty big. The girls seemed nice and not bro-ish, and its on the high end of affordable. Plus it includes parking! I'm going to visit in real life, and potentially other places too, in August to seal the deal, but if nothing changes it looks like I found my new home =]

Now all I need is a visa...

Alaska + Vacation + the beginning of the end

Last week my Aunt took my sister and I to Anchorage for a long weekend to visit her son/our cousin Anthony. It was a really cool trip - definitely not one I would have planned for myself, but that makes it even better! We had a nice break in a string of crappy weather.. highs of about 60 and sunny. I never saw it get dark, or even dusky because the sun is currently up for almost the full 24 hours for summer. We went to a bunch of state and national parks, hiked up to a glacier, saw sea and land animal conservation centers, went on a glacier cruise (we saw a whale!) and visited a Native American cultural center which was really great. It was nice to see my aunt again and my cousin who I haven't spoken to almost since childhood and my sister and I had a nice time together, too.

I returned to an almost full week off here in NYC and Dave came to visit for 6 days. It was the perfect vacation.. the kind where you're not at work and you're not thinking about it, either! We didn't do very much so it was really relaxing and a perfect break from the craziness that is the ending of GSV and prep for Montreal and McGill. Now that I'm back at work I only have two weeks left!

I feel a lot different about work, in part from being on vacation and also because I'm leaving soon. I've said that I hate work constantly throughout this year, but by the time I was getting ready to go back on Monday I was really excited to see the girls and wondering what they had all been up to. I showed Dave a bunch of pictures of them from throughout the year and kept telling him "She had a really crappy life and earlier this year she did this and this and this but now she does this!" It was a refreshing change in my own thought process.

I've been back for three days so far, and I am so impressed. The girls started their summer internships, and they've all had perfect attendance so far! It's sad but money (not even much of it) is really the only thing that works to motivate them. Even if money is the main factor they've been coming home beat, maybe complaining a little but you can tell that they have a lot of pride in their work and are very pleased with themselves. Today, for the first time in recent memory, a group of about 5 girls were sitting in the kitchen eating together and talking. It's incredible the changes that occur in the community when the residents are focused on themselves and their goals. They're too distracted to worry about gossip or drama, and they have a new level of confidence. It was so wonderful to see and I told them so. They told me to stop being cheesy. I guess some things will never change.

When I returned from vacation I posted the monthly calendar of events, which includes my last day. A bunch of girls noticed and asked me about it, saying it came too quickly and that they'll miss me. It's really incredible to see that after a year of a lot of nonsense and little appreciation that they do notice the work I do. I know that my being pleased with this is selfish, and that purpose is to be there for them and to serve them, but knowing that they appreciate my being there is so, so gratifying. My caring about them was noticed, but more importantly, they care. My hope is that they don't just see me as a nice volunteer, but that they internalize the message that someone cares about them, enough to spend a whole year with them being treated like crap with almost no reward, just because they matter. I want them to know how much they matter.

The building is holding a going away party for Jess, Krystina and I, and I know that I will probably get a card and a small gift. I'm really excited for the party because I hope it is a time when all the girls come together for a happy (or to them possibly sad) occasion and we can just relive happy memories from the year and appreciate each other. I'm making a photobook of the year to leave for the floor, and I'm also going to make them each personalized cards telling them how proud I am of them, and to offer them some ongoing encouragement. I hope they like them, and I really hope my leaving can be seen as a positive event and that it doesn't spark any more incidents (because they may be sad/abandoned/angry and not know how to handle these emotions).

And for my future life.. not much has happened. I still don't have an internship or apartment lined up, but it's definitely not for a lack of trying. I am able to register for classes now, I just haven't gotten to it yet. I'm still waiting to hear about my visa and was told to call on Friday to ask for an update. As soon as I go back up to Albany I'll be able to focus on all of these things full time, plus find out my financial aid offer! It will be such a relief!

Community Fun

Two weeks ago for community night Krystina and her friend organized an awesome scavenger hunt. We started in Times Square and had about two hours to complete as many items as we could before meeting at home. It was really fun and although my team may have gotten a little over competitive I think everybody had a great time. Here was our list and some pictures as proof (the ones in bold are the ones my team of Krystina and Alaina were able to complete):

1 Get five different pizza place menus.    50 points.

2 Take a team picture with an elderly couple.     50 points.

3 Bum two different brands of cigarettes off of strangers.     50 points. (My team only got 1/2 credit for this one because we got a Marlboro and a Marlboro light. The other team said they were the same brand. I guess we weren't the only ones who took it really seriously)

4 Picture of a bar menu with a margarita happy hour.     75 points.

5 Take a video of a team member singing ''you are my sunshine'' to a stranger on the train.     100 points.

6 Picture of a purple door.     75 points.

7 Picture of a midget.     125 points. (In addition to not seeing one we all agreed that this one was pretty tasteless so we say we protested it).

8 Picture with a cop.     50 points. 75 extra points for wearing the cop's hat in the picture. (We totally didn't see that second part =( )

9 Picture of a place that sells $1 slices.     50 points.

10 Picture of the entire team doing the Beatles walk on a crosswalk.     100 points.

11 Picture of a team pyramid in front of a school (not the one you live in).     75 points.

12 Picture with a duck.     125 points. (This one was a last minute bit of luck)

13 Toothpicks from 5 different restaurants.     100 points. (Bubba Gumps, Red Lobster, Ruby Tuesdays, Tasty Corner, and Daly Pub. One of them didn't have toothpicks so he cut a drink mixer for us =) )

14 A flower.     75 points.

15 A pamphlet about the end of the world.     125 points.

16 Get someone's yamakka.     250 points. (See #7)

17 Take a picture of a teammate getting a piggyback ride from a stranger.     100 points. (This guy was with his dad who wanted to take about 300 of his own pictures of this freakish event during their trip to the city. He also made a joke that his son didn't even get my number.)

18 Picture of the whole team in front of a library.     50 points.

19 Pictures of 5 places of worship, each of different denominations.     175 points.

20 4 Metro cards with different expiration dates.     50 points.

21 Picture of 7 people jumping in the air.     125 points. (75 extra points if they're all in the air!)

22 Picture of a radio station.     100 points.

23 A penny from 1987.     75 points.

24 Picture of poop in a toilet.     125 points. (This one was a lot of work. No pain no gain.)

25 List the middle names of everyone in your community.     100 points.

26 A hotel bar of soap.     75 points. (We also got a hotel stress ball/apple, corkscrew, and warm cookie).

27 A free NYC condom.     50 points.

28 A movie ticket stub.     50 points.

29 Video of a team member doing a cartwheel on a train.     100 points.

30 Picture of a team member walking someone's dog.     125 points. 

31 A timetable train schedule.     100 points. (Apparently they're almost exclusively available online)

32 A singnature from a four year old (with a picture to prove it!)     100 points.

33 Cups from fast food places.     25 points per cup, each from a different place. (I think we had 5)

34 Picture of two men kissing.     125 points.

35 Picture of a team member swimming in a body of water.     250 points. (This one was debated. Xteens was a champ and got in the East River without a shirt, although her body wasn't submerged in water like Lar's was. Lar also had a car to have enough time to put on a bathing suit. Turns out we didn't even need these points to win, but I think teens earned them.)

36 Picture with a Toy Story backpack.     150 points.

37 Picture of someone's camel-toe.     125 points. (Teens took a buch of random croch shots on the street and got one. Gross.)

38 NYC Bus Tours pamphlet.     75 points.

39 AMNY from today.     75 points. 200 extra points if the crossword puzzle is completed!

40 A list of the colleges that each community member attended.     75 points.

A few things I learned from this community night: Just how competitive our community is, including a great nack for shit talking all around. How helpful random people are. When we got the little boy's signature his mom asked to see our list and started throwing out suggestions of how to get some things. Then the lady next to her took our list and did the same. That's how we got the churches and the school. We will do a lot of crazy shit for nothing more than momentary recognition from each other. You can do a lot of crazy things in NYC, especially Times Square, without anyone giving you a second look. Tourists actually find this very funny and want to participate.